Pitch Black Or I Don’t Remember
I remember hanging out with the Irish boys
I remember they all wore different varieties of the same denim button-downs and had that
Hitler Youth haircut
I remember the cute little Asian girl with bleached hair and
little leather hot pants
I remember someone said “you’ll drink what I give you”
I remember laughing it off
I remember the red flags I ignored
Sloppy lap dances and AYYYYY MAMIII!
I remember starting to fade, I remember leaving the club
I remember catching the clock at 2:20am
I remember a man’s voice I didn’t recognize
“DON’T YOU DARE FALL ASLEEP. DON’T YOU FUCKING FALL ASLEEP”
I remember he knew my name, but I didn’t know his
The back seat of a car. Heavy. So heavy.
Dead weight. Can’t stay awake.
I remember staggering down a street
Dropping everything. Collapsing
over and over again. Knees blood
I remember not feeling anything at
I remember being cold. Freezing cold.
Black, pitch black
I remember no stars. Like they were erased from the sky by the storyteller
now weaving my story
No sounds. Like I had
I remember coming to and it was morning and
I was staggering down the street again, mourning
No birds chirping. No dignity left.
No cell phone no wallet no keys no jacket no cherry red lipstick no crumpled up dollar bills
I remember looking into a car’s side mirror, a car on the side
of a street I didn’t recognize
I remember gasping in horror
I remember looking like a bewildered forest creature covered in scratches
like a barnyard
Pupils dilated, lips torn up
I remember I had chewed sores into my mouth from clenching my jaw or
maybe from shivering or maybe
grass in my hair.
I remember my heart pounding, racing and racing
and racing, toward nothing at all.
I remember thinking,
it’s 8:37am and something bad happened to me last night.