Pitch Black

[From BLACK]

Pitch Black Or I Don’t Remember

I remember hanging out with the Irish boys

I remember they all wore different varieties of the same denim button-downs and had that

Hitler Youth haircut

I remember the cute little Asian girl with bleached hair and

little leather hot pants

I remember someone said “you’ll drink what I give you”

I remember laughing it off

I remember the red flags I ignored

Sloppy lap dances and AYYYYY MAMIII!

I remember starting to fade, I remember leaving the club

I remember catching the clock at 2:20am

I remember a man’s voice I didn’t recognize


I remember he knew my name, but I didn’t know his

The back seat of a car. Heavy. So heavy.

Dead weight. Can’t stay awake.

I remember staggering down a street

Tunnel vision

Dropping everything. Collapsing

over and over again. Knees blood


I remember not feeling anything at


I remember being cold. Freezing cold.

Black, pitch black

I remember no stars. Like they were erased from the sky by the storyteller

now weaving my story

No sounds. Like I had

no ears.

No dreams.

I remember coming to and it was morning and 

I was staggering down the street again, mourning

No birds chirping. No dignity left.

No cell phone no wallet no keys no jacket no cherry red lipstick no crumpled up dollar bills

I remember looking into a car’s side mirror, a car on the side

of a street I didn’t recognize

I remember gasping in horror

I remember looking like a bewildered forest creature covered in scratches

like a barnyard


Pupils dilated, lips torn up

I remember I had chewed sores into my mouth from clenching my jaw or

maybe from shivering or maybe

both. Dead

grass in my hair.

I remember my heart pounding, racing and racing

and racing, toward nothing at all.

I remember thinking,

it’s 8:37am and something bad happened to me last night.

 Written 10/2016 re: June 13, 2014 (Full Moon Friday)

Tell Me How U RLY Feel Tho

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