Blackmail

[from BLACK]

Blackmail or He Said

He said: let’s go to sleep

I wondered if he actually meant sleep but already knew

he probably didn’t

He said: Don’t touch me so I got up to

leave. He said: no don’t leave

and everything fades. Everything

always fades.

One minute you’re jumping on dirty mattresses on Mission Street,

whoo-hoo-ing your little heart out like there’s no fucking

tomorrow, and the next you’re bawlin

your eyes out, vodka tears, blubbering, coke-snot coming out

your nose, to some stranger in spandex and

glitter and fur who’s rolling balls, cuz no one understands

you or your life. Life can be so very

very unfair, can’t it?

He said: Look, you aren’t good with alcohol.

You’re crazy. Out of control. Aggressive.

He said: you think your way is the right way

He said: you’re next level amazing girl, and you don’t even know it

He said: you don’t even care that people are looking out for you

He said: you just–YOU JUST HAVE TOO MANY ISSUES

He said: I can’t help you b-b-but I wish I could

He said: I feel like I’ve known you for years, like I knew you in a past life,

like you were a Queen and you ruled over me. Over everyone.

He said: I KNOW WHAT I WANT, GIRRRL, AND IT’S NOT YOU!

He said: we should be friends, really close friends

He said: I think we could be good friends

He said: this will just blow up in our faces and we’ll hate each other

He said: My whole life feels fake

He said: I’m stupid, but I’m just trying to survive

I asked him what and He said: this life

He said: you think you know me but you don’t

He said: you’re wrong

He said: we’ll still hang out. I’ll still hit you up.

He said: I’ll–I’ll–I’ll give you another chance

He said: Listen

No / You / Listen 

it’s fucking 4am and we did too many questionable things

again and exposed too many questionable secrets

again and let too many questionable towers be knocked down

again and this wretched sham of a scene is ripe for

Blackmail

of the worst kind

I can hear Mariachi music outside the window and the garbage

trucks that come by every hour. It starts to sound like

 I’m at a funeral

of everyone I’ve ever known and loved. Like I’m at my own funeral

but no one’s showing up

but the Mariachi band and garbage trucks. I imagine dancing

right out the window so my body

lands inside the garbage truck so we can just be

done with it already

He said: Parents shouldn’t be allowed to fuck people up like this


written Fall 2015

Tell Me How U RLY Feel Tho

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